Buckle up Sister --it's time to Blossom into Mastery!

I am sure that you and I would both love to raise confident children who have self-compassion and believe in themselves and their abilities. But in order to do that we have to model it.

The self-esteem movement began in the 1980s. This was the idea that parents, teachers and caregivers needed to use praise, awards, and rewards to bolster children's sense of self-worth.

This movement gave way to the participation trophy era of the 1990s where every child would receive a trophy and there were no winners and losers. Parents were told to praise their children all the time, the idea being that external praise would be internalized and felt to be true to the child:

• "You're so smart"

• "Good job"

• "You're so beautiful."

• "Wow, you're amazing."

The only problem is that the movement failed miserably.

The fact is: bolstering up someone's self-esteem or inflating their ego in an artificial way doesn't ingrain in them a sense of competence and confidence. (Ours or our children's.)

Rather, we build confidence by overcoming obstacles, facing our fears, mastering challenging skills, and doing some good old-fashioned hard work that doesn't come that easily to us.

Let me give you an example: If we give a child a puzzle that is easy for them to do, and then we praise them by saying, "Wow, you're so smart!" - they learn several different things. They learn that:

• It feels good to be told they're smart

• They get positive feedback when they achieve things they’re good at

• It's best to stick to easy tasks rather than challenge myself so I can be sure I'll get praised the next time

When we praise children (people!!!) for doing things that come easily, we're actually dumbing them down and keeping them small. They become scared to take a risk, work hard, and overcome obstacles.

Therefore, the self-esteem movement actually undermines self-esteem.

Why? The child who is praised, awarded, or given a free pass because something is too hard is being taught that they should never have to struggle. If they have to struggle, then that means they aren't smart enough, good enough or strong enough.

Therefore, they're never truly overcoming something, mastering something that was difficult, facing their fears, growing their muscles, and experiencing what true confidence feels like.

In Blossom Into Mastery Month, what we're really focusing on is creating an atmosphere in our lives that supports the struggle. We want to create a belief system that values working through things, getting stronger, and building up a robust repertoire of skills that will serve us throughout our lives. That will contribute to our future selves.

Maybe you’re feeling a bit incompetent in the kitchen, which is something I was feeling over the last few years. I wanted to be able to cook delicious, healthy meals, but I hadn't developed that skill.

I could go to the self-esteem movement where I expect everyone to bolster me up and tell me, "Isabelle, your cooking is delicious. You're an amazing cook!" or, I could go the blossom into mastery route where I tell myself, "I'm valuable and worthy of love, but I'm not a great cook. If I practice and overcome obstacles, I'll gain true mastery and then the results and praise won't be fake but rather something that I have earned.”

By going on the journey and putting in the effort, I will gain the real sense of confidence that comes with achieving something I struggled with.

You can't get to the top of Mount Everest without the climb. This is the month you will be supported in facing your Everest, climb your mountain, or, at the very least, try. I call it "blossom" into mastery because mastery isn't a place you ever arrive at. There will always be room to improve. So, we celebrate the small wins along the way (an installed habit), not just the arrival at the destination. See your Playbook for more on this.

The world often tells us to keep to ourselves, overprotect our vulnerabilities, and ensure we never have to struggle. We shouldn't let anyone know we've made a mistake, not met the goal we were reaching for, or experience any kind of hardship.

I'm here to make the opposite argument. As long as those stresses aren't traumatic and crushing for you, then overall, I believe that obstacles, challenges, and difficult tasks create confident, autonomous individuals who are well-equipped to face challenges out in the world.

Even in day-to-day life, there are a myriad of skills we may wish we had, but we just haven't put in the effort to get them.

Think about all the many skills you've had to master to get where you are now. Next, think about all the skills you have yet to master. All of the things that go into being an Empowered Mother.

• House Skills: cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, organizing, decluttering, etc.

• Personal Skills: hygiene, personal care, budgeting, etc.

• Work Skills: introducing yourself, interviewing, presenting ideas, planning events, etc.

• People Skills: thank-yous, apologies, etc.

Some of us may be thinking that we already graduated from school, there's not much else to learn. (Although if you are here, you probably are a learning addict like me.)

So, let me just ask you, if I could wave a magic want and give you any skill under the sun, what would it be?

DO IT NOW!!! Let yourself be a beginner.

I want to encourage you to not let Mastery go. If it matters to you, it's important!

But even more profoundly, our children get to see us blossom into mastery. Children who grow up feeling like they’re part of a team and that their contributions matter feel a true sense of self-esteem.

One of the best quotes I ever heard was, "Never do for a child something they can do for themselves."

Of course, there are exceptions and sometimes children need to be pampered just like you and I. But, generally I believe this is a fantastic rule of thumb.

We should never feel guilty about holding high expectations of our kids because it’s not something you're doing to them, it's something you're doing for them.

You are giving them a profound gift of competence, confidence, and mastery by helping them believe in their own ability to overcome and learn. So, if ever you feel guilty about asking your children to help out, instead feel proud that you’re helping them become interdependent, and you're not keeping them small and incapable. You are teaching them to BLOSSOM.

There's a concept in psychology called the devouring mother. She does everything for her child but will never let them go.

We want to stop that dynamic in its tracks and instead model empowerment to our children by letting them know, bit by bit, that they don't need us. Yes, our home may have delicious meals, and yes, I may pamper my child sometimes, and yes, we share a strong attachment and a very real bond--but I'm not going to keep them small.

I'm going to find opportunities to help them grow, become strong, overcome obstacles, and develop worthwhile habits so that they can thrive in the world.

TAKE ACTION

There are 3 critical ways to blossom into mastery across the different areas:

1. Set high expectations for yourself - Start to say, “I COULD, I CAN, I WILL and I AM...

2. Pair those high expectations with high support - Who can give you extra support this month?

3. Finally, we need to model for our children how different tasks are done so they can blossom into mastery too

This month you will:

• Develop your own mastery, hold yourself to high standards, and peel back the curtain on what it takes to be an adult who is truly independent

• Embody a mastery mindset of lifelong learning, problem-solving, curiosity, and growth so you can master worthwhile skills and impart that to your children as well

Go forth and Blossom into Mastery so you can live Empowered!